End of the Line...This Time

I feel like I can finally write something about what happened on December 3rd. I miscarried at about 4:30 a.m. The pain was terrible, the blood loss was frightening, and I hope never to go through that again unless it produces a baby. I have been learning to cope with the loss. Never have I lost something of my own flesh and blood, my own little baby, so this has been a completely new experience for me. I find myself in a strange place. All of my prior sacrifices are now almost completely useless. All my pain, nausea, fatigue and discomfort have now become one simple thing...a tool by which I may know the suffering of others. That is something I recognized pretty quickly, that I could now see women who miscarry in a different light. I now have empathy.
So if at times I appear sullen (more than usual) or don't respond to certain happy events it's not because I do not feel joy for you. I am very happy to have many friends and family who are pregnant. Just know what has transpired.